Video of Me Reading The Crossing of Aldo Ray

While I was in England at the World Horror Convention, Martin Roberts was kind enough to video record my reading of The Crossing of Aldo Ray. The quality is damn good, only I wish I had a stunt double who could really do the story justice. I guess I'm not the only one, but I always hate hearing my voice. Still, I know people will dig this. Please check it out if you have a moment and listen to me read my Bram Stoker Finalist Story - The Crossing of Aldo Ray. It is in two parts.

Part I



Part II

Facebook | Empire of Salt Victim's League

Facebook | Empire of Salt Victim's League

It's THERE....Not here, but there, unless you are in England, then it's here. Are we clear? Lol.Looks like EMPIRE OF SALT has been released in England twelve days before the release in the U.S. Those lucky Brits. Get yours and be the first!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1906735328/

England's Inflatable Pig

Of all the photos I took while I was in England, this one requires the most explanation. It was Saturday, I think. Von and I slept late, then woke hungry. We slogged through the persistent rain and found a pub called The Varsity (Brighton, England). I ordered, sat down with a beer and waited for the food. Soon, I had to go the little boy's room. Frankly, my bladder is the size of a pea. Downstairs, I saw something that will haunt me til the day I die. I hurried back upstairs and said, "Von. Hurry. Give me the camera." She looked at me strangely, as it was clear that I meant to take a picture in the boy's room. Still, she gave it to me, and I hurried downstairs. When I returned, it was with this picture.

From WHC 2010

For those of you who don't know, especially in bars, and most often at truck stops, there are dispensers in mens' bathrooms that dispense all sorts of condoms and the like. Ribbed, knobbed, studded, glowing, spinning, screaming, peach-smelling, sporty, dusty, raunchy, disco, horned, and salty....all sorts of condoms, the most infamous being the French Tickler. So dispensers were no big deal. In fact, they gave me something to look at while I was....well, you get the picture.

So there I was staring at the dispenser and I realized that this was not like any dispenser I had ever seen, nowhere, even in the most dive hole in the wall bars where you wouldn't even take your worst enemy did I ever see a dispenser that dispensed a blow up inflatable pig. Look at the damn picture. Look at the horrified expression on the pig and the joyous satisfied expression on the man. Oh. My. God! And they sell it! For Five Quid. In England. Gah!

Brian "Elvis" Lumley

Brian Lumley makes one hell of an Elvis. I love this guy!

Storming the Castle

My agent emailed me to "Have fun storming the castle." When I read the words, I heard the voice of the woman who said it in Princess Bride. So we did. And it was awesome. We stormed the castle today! Billy Crystal would have been proud. It's quite the amazing place. Loved the dungeon. Loved the inside room tours with all the period furniture and stuff. Absolutely loved the falcon and eagle demonstration. The two bald eagles and the seas eagles were about as impressive as anything I've... ever seen. Bought bus tickets for tomorrows return to London. About to go out to dinner at Catalans. Gonna have venison steak, I think.

In England!!

Part I. Brighton is a blast. So many cool people to spend time with and not enough time to spend. Shouts out to Mike McCarty, Bill Breedlove, Brett Savory, Gemma Files, Martel Sardina, Simon Clark, Monica Kuebler, Gard, Tim Lebbon, Michael Marshall Smith, Hank Schwaeble, Mike Cavillo, Paul Wilson and too many more to m...ention. Also props to Rio Youers, Vincent Chong, Matt Riley, and Jenni and Jon from Abaddon Books.

Part II. Did I tell you that they had advanced reading copies of EMPIRE OF SALT? Looks awesome. It feels amazing to hold this novel in my hands. They also have a six foot banner. Check it out in the pictures. Besides friends and my novel, lots and lots of English and Irish Beer, and a legendary consumption of Brighton Beach Dominoes Pizza by myself and Tim Lebbon capped a superb first convention night.

Part III. I did not win the Bram Stoker Award for Best Short Story, but I had a great time anyway. I presented the award for First Novel along with Sarah Pinborough. Her plan was for us to snog (she had to explain that to me. As it turns out, snogging would have resulted in a swift and final death for me at the hands of one Ms. Yvonne Navarro. I did however, when we were called, run op to the microphone. At the top of my lungs I shouted "Welcome to the First Annual Stephen Jones Elvis Impersonator Transvestite Brighton England All You Can Eat Fish Eating Contest!" I had raised hands and devils horns on each hand. The room was totally silent. Then I whispered, "Oops. Sorry. That's next week's speech." Hilarity ensued.

Later on in the evening I got Brian Lumley to wear my Elvis shades and got a picture of him beside me. It doesn't get better than that.

After that we left Brighton. Caught a ride with Tim Lebbon which saved us loads of time and money. He was heading to N. Wales and dropped us in Warwick. Found the B&B too easily. Great Tudor home. The town is perfect. Quaint. Castles. Cathedrals. And so much more. Taking lots of pictures, but having power issues over here. We had Indian food last night. Best Indian food I have EVER had at Golden Saffron. Yummers! Castle visit today. And the Dungeon! They have a trebuchet. How cool is that?

Interviewed at Abaddon

I've been interviewed by British author, Pat Kelleher, over at Abaddon Books. I talk about writing, horror, zombies, and the like. It's a pretty fun interview.

INTERVIEW

Hey all of You!

Pictures from the Tucson Festival of Books later. I left my camera in the car at the airport, so you'll just have to wait. Plus, since I can't post pics, I've decided to give you as much as a running video blog as possible. So far I have to links. My first day, and when I wake up to snow!



...and the next

Altar of All Elvis

My novel Blaze of Glory sold out in Limited Edition. Published by Bloodletting Press, it has supersoaker green end papers. Wish there were more to sell. Let me know if someone gets their hands on one.

Also, it's good to know that all is well in the world. I just sacrificed three of them a the Altar of All Elvis. What? Doesn't everyone have an animatronic Elvis?

SMASHWORDS HAS A DISCOUNT PROMOTION:

Special ebook promotion. 25% OFF. Use the code RAE25 at checkout
for 25% off during our site-wide promotion! (Offer good thru Mar. 13, 2010)

My novella BUTTERFLY WINTER now costs only $1.19

Through fields of dead flowers under a red-gray sky, the children dance, arms flapping like the wings of dying butterflies. Desperate to hearken in the city of Dali’s famed Butterfly Spring, they spin and jump as best they can, sometimes falling, sometimes staggering. No longer are they the children who rushed towards the survivors' downed plane. They are forever changed. They are undone.

Valentines Day 2010

Valentines Day 2010. It's a little late for the pics, but never a little late for Romance. I took a hot young thing out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. These pictures are the evidence you all can use against me.

Sonoran Dogs

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=106366080
Sonoran Hotdogs. Mmmm.

"The Sonoran hot dog may take the phrase "with everything" to new heights. It starts with a hot dog wrapped in bacon. Then you begin piling on the beans, grilled onions, fresh onions, tomatoes, mayonnaise, cream sauce, mustard and jalapeno salsa. Add radishes, cucumbers, whole chilies and even mushrooms, if you want."

Tucson Festival of Books

I'm going to be at the Tucson Festival of Books this year. I was supposed to be there last year, but had to travel to Europe. I almost missed it this year too. I'll be there Saturday, but on Sunday I'll be scrunched into an airplane seat on my way to Romania. But here's my schedule on Saturday:

Vampires, Zombies and Monsters
Panel / Sat 2:30 PM - 03:30 PM
Koffler - Room 204

Here's more information about the Festival:

Every spring, the University of Arizona campus transforms into a platform for Arizona’s largest literary event, the Tucson Festival of Books. This annual function supports the advancement of literacy efforts in Southern Arizona through local sponsors, including the University of Arizona and UA BookStores. Their generous contributions directly benefit Pima County Public Libraries and local literacy programs such as the Reading Seed. Free and open to the public, this two day festival endorses the community celebration of reading and knowledge by featuring hundreds of authors, publishers, and exhibitors.

During its 2009 debut, Billy Collins, Diane Gabaldon, J.A. Jance, Elmore Leonard, and Luis Alberto Urrea were among the 450 authors who attended the Tucson Festival of Books. 800 volunteers assisted over 50,000 guests as they made their way through the 19 indoor and 5 outdoor venues. The 24 stages featured author conversations, panels, workshops, and entertainment for children as well as adults.

The Festival of Book returns March 13 and 14! Peruse the UA BookStores events via the navigation on the right, or visit http://tucsonfestivalofbooks.com/ for complete festival information.

The Tucson Festival of Books is sponsored by the Arizona Daily Star, one of the Southwest’s most honored newspapers, and the University of Arizona, the region’s leading public research university. It is planned and staged by an all-volunteer group of Tucson community, commercial, civic and educational leaders. Proceeds from the event benefit literacy efforts in Southern Arizona.

Event organizers have begun lining up authors, sponsors, vendors and volunteers for the sequel. Their goal is to top last year’s spectacular figures:

The 99 Stages of Writer's Anticipation

What do you do when your agent sends out manuscripts? Do you pray to something? Do you huddle in a corner with your favorite blanky and pray to the great god Bacardi? Maybe you just sit back and ignore the whole process, as if it's way beyond you and nothing you can do could help serendipity either way.

I go through 99 stages of anticipation every time this happens. Here they are.

Stage 1. There's a moment when I feel an unholy elation as if in a matter of seconds I will be transported to the mountaintop where all the real good writers live and I'll be told the secrets to publishing. Later, we'll sit around smoking a blunt, drinking red wine from bota bags, listening to Donna Summer and telling stories about when I was but a struggling writer.

Stage 2. Reality hits me square between the eyes and I remember that the odds of getting hit by a car are better than being published.

Stage 3. I act nonplussed, too-cool-for-school, what-me-worry, who's-afraid-of-the-big-bad-wolf-bad-ass and stare down my nose at the world like I'm French and you're not.

Stage 4. I begin looking at traffic wondering if getting hit by a car will make me feel as if the universe knows I exist.

Stage 5. I tell someone, usually Yvonne, who acts authentically pleased, but my mind creates a maddening cartoon visage over he face that says something like, "You poor poor sap. You want to be famous. Take out the garbage. That will make you famous. Write a note to the trash collector. You'll be even more famouser, asshole."

Stage 6. I believe in god for 7.2 seconds.

Stage 7. I email my agent, realizing that only an hour has passed, delete the email, retype it to try and act as if I'm not desperate, delete it, retype it again, the close out the email program before I can actually press send. Then I sit back feeling pathetic.

Stage 8. I play in traffic for awhile.

Stage 9. I consider praying to the dark gods, getting a fetish, learning a new religion, trying yoga, painting henna tattoos on my body, and running naked in the moonlight. I don't actually do any of these things because I'm dreadfully afraid that I might, in a moment of weakness, stumble into the one religion that actually works and be trapped forever.

State 11. I slam my head into a sink filled with ice water.

Stage 12. Fuck it. I grab a glass of wine and begin praying to all my writing fetishes. I pray to my statue of Grifter. I spin my dangly stuffed pufferfish. I touch my Velvet Jesus. I turn on my animatronic Elvis and pretend he's talking to me. I wobble my hula girl. And I whisper dirty little sex secrets to Shardik Jones and his Harem of Barbies, wondering if when become rich and famous if he'll still be the same old stuffed bear lech that he always is and act them out on the floor of my office.

Stage 13. I wake up in a pool of vomit, an imprint of B-H-N-J-M-K on my face. Wine bottles litter the floor. Barbies are splayed everywhere. Shardik looks satisfied. I feel strange and I can't find my underwear.

Stage 14. I throw up.

Stage 15. Three hours have passed since my agent submitted my novel. I email him and ask him if he's received anything yet. He responds a little too quickly with the word "no." I feel pathetic, but act French so no one can tell.

Stage 16. I write a blog about Writer's Anticipation.

Stage 17. I pick up the Barbies before someone actually sees them, but I can't look them in the eye. Shardik grins wickedly the whole time. I wonder if he has pictures.

Stage 18 - 98. Repeat some variations of the previous seventeen stages over and over again, until I either get arrested, my wife begs me to stop, or my agent emails me with news so I can move on, or some combination thereof.

Stage 99. By now I've literally forgotten what I wrote so if it's accepted it comes as a surprise to me that I even wrote it, and if it gets rejected, who cares because I forgot about it anyway. I continue to act French. I still can't find my underwear. But all is good in Weston Land. There's a new book to write and verbs to conjugate. Barbies are all in bubble wrap until the next submission. Shardik sits on the shelf and every now and then I can hear him whisper, "Hubba Hubba." My keys begin to clackity clack as my writing gets back on track. "Hubba Hubba," I whisper back to Shardik. Welcome to the Jungle jumps out of my speakers. Fuck anticipation. If it happens it happens.

Blaze of Glory

Did you see the edges for those pages? Holy Supersoaker! They must have invented a new color green. I just received the limited edition hardback of Blaze of Glory from the publisher. Calling on people to send me pictures of them with the book so I know it's actually out there!

For my Moms

She wasn't all that happy about it, but someone had to say something. My mom is one of those rare people we need in this world. She's also a special ed teacher. The school system did something this year that really pissed me off so I wrote a letter to the editor. When I told my mom she wasn't all that pleased, but I told her that's what she gets for raising a boy who wants to be a hero, forever tilting at windmills.
Check it out..

Robin is my Love Slave

Wow. I was flipping through an old DC comic from my collection and look what I found. I never knew! Double Click to enlarge.

Warm Pictures

For all of you freezing on the East Coast, I thought I'd share some pictures from Hawaii. Warm. Green. Sweet.

The Last Flight Out

You have no idea how happy I am to be home this weekend. The original plan was for me to leave Phili at 9 AM on Friday. If I hadn’t changed it, much to the urging of my Aunt Marlene, I would be entombed in ice and snow, locked into some hotel near the airport, the bar would have run out of booze, the restaurant would have run out of food, and we would have fought over the contents of the snack machines, finally realizing the esoteric value of a chocolate crunchy nougat. So yesterday, when I rode my motorcycle to the Mexican Border in 65 degree weather, and stopped and had a beer at the Gay 90s Bar, which is less than fifty feet from Mexico, I was reveling in the feeling of having escaped.

But it was touch and go. I felt like Papillion in Devil’s Island. Thursday night I got on the telephone and called the travel agency. I got a feisty German lady who kept trying to book me on an outbound flight, anywhere west, regardless of the airlines. But as soon as she would click her magic travel agent buttons, something would happen and the seat she thought was available would be gone. She did everything but drop an F-bomb, preferring Godda**it and sh*t. Not your usual travel agent, but she was MY travel agent and she was working for ME, so I was far from offended. I just kept egging her on as she tried over and over, until finally, after an hour, she found a seat on an American Airlines jet leaving Phili about noon.

Of course, little did I know then, that American Airlines would have a trick up their sleeve to confound all of us fliers. You see, they chose that day, Friday, the day of the storm, to have a computer glitch so that none of their flights showed up on the departure board. Even in Dallas this was the case. But in Phili, where my flight mates and I stared at the relatively empty airport and the decimalized departure board…there were no incoming flights by then listed, although our plane was coming from Chicago supposedly, the lack of our flight being mentioned was cause for worry. Everyone else sort of milled around asking each other if they knew what was going on. There wasn’t a gate agent, so I searched and found the cadre of people I knew would know the answer—The Wheel Chair Mafia. I cornered one of them and asked if anyone on the incoming flight required a wheelchair. They searched, and found out that someone did, and let me know in a conspiratorial whisper that the flight was due to land at 1050AM and they had to have a wheelchair there by then.

The flight landed, deplaned, and then there was a rush for the gate. It was like the last flight leaving Saigon. The flight was oversold. There were 25 people on the standby list. The sky was sheet-metal gray. And everyone knew that if they didn’t get on this flight, they’d never get out. When I grabbed my seat in 7B, and the plane took off, it was with such a sigh of relief, you don’t even know. Those people who weren’t able to leave are still there. As the travel agent told me, if I didn’t leave when I did, she couldn’t guarantee me a seat out until Monday, Tuesday or even possibly Wednesday.

I thought I was lucky. But in the end, the luck wasn’t for me. By the time we landed in Dallas, I realized that the luck was for the couple seated behind me. Gladys and John were traveling to New Zealand for the vacation of a lifetime. They had tight connections and if they didn’t make them, the whole trip would be in jeopardy. Gladys was a sight to see. She was a smallish woman, dressed in traveling clothes. Her skin was very pale. She had a small smile. And her hair was growing back from the chemo. She was a lung cancer survivor and the trip was her reward for living. Had I talked to her in the airport, I wouldn’t have worried as much as I had. The way I figure it is that the fates had conspired to do her a little good, because god knows she’d been dealt an almost fatal hand until now. Making her miss the flight would have been a divine insult, a galactic piling on. That she made her flight was right and proper, and keeping with the karmic balancing of the universe. After all, even in the face of a possible storm of the century, the fates weren’t about to let her down once more.

So here I am. it’s Superbowl Sunday. We’re going to go motorcycle riding later on this morning, then have family over to watch the game. I’m making Italian pork sandwiches with provolone and greens. Deadly Velveeta cheese dip will clog our arteries. Much beer will be drunk. I’ll cheer on both teams, although I’d love to see the Saints win. Sometime during the night, I’m going to think about Gladys and John, though, and thank them, for letting me share in their new bounty of good luck, tailgating along on the first leg of their trip of a lifetime to New Zealand.

Whatever team wins, I’ve won already because I am with my family. Whatever team wins, Gladys and John won, not only because she survived her near fatal ordeal, but because they are right now in New Zealand, having the vacation of a lifetime. Whatever team wins, I hope those left behind get home soon, and those who live on the East Coast are snug and warm and don’t have to fight over vending machine scraps for dinner.

Take care everyone and be safe.

New Website Look

I've tired of trying to come up with more looks for my web page. I want to get the information out to the people who want to know, but I don't want to spend so much time doing it, nor do I want to bore people to death. I miss the old days were I could hang out online with all my friends and we could talk about how things will be when we get books published and we become famous. I miss it enough that I've often considered that it would be better to return to that time, and forgo all my success, if only I can get back with my friends.

So here's the new webpage, designed for people to comment and interact with me. Don't hesitate to say something. Don't worry about bothering me. I like talking to people. I like making new friends.

Smashwords 2010

My novella Butterfly Winter is my first step into the world of eBooks. I've decided to try Smashwords, where you can purchase it in any format you desire...even tattoo, I think.

Warning...this is not a story that will make you want to run tra-la-la through the flowers singing songs about happy sunshine.

Summary: Through fields of dead flowers under a red-gray sky, the children dance, arms flapping like the wings of dying butterflies. Desperate to hearken in the city of Dali’s famed Butterfly Spring, they spin and jump as best they can, sometimes falling, sometimes staggering. No longer are they the children who rushed towards the survivors' downed plane. They are forever changed. They are undone.

At least come and check it out and see what it's all about.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/8713

Guest of Honor Schedule for TusCon 36

Test post.....

Here's my schedule at TusCon, which starts today. If anyone wants to Pop in, they can choose which hour and time. There are some professional Ghost Hunters attending the convention who will be showing their wares and giving a few seminars. I intend on attending some of those as well. A fully-booked weekend. Hope to see some of youse there.

More convention information can be found at - http://www.tusconscificon.com/

FRIDAY
6:00 Convention Primer. De Priest, Ochse, Vela. St. Augustine.
7:00 Meet the Guests. Gold Ballroom.
8.00 Judging Pima County Library Short Story Contest

SATURDAY
1:00 An hour with GoH Weston Ochse. St Augustine.
2:00 Mass Autograph Session. Silver Ballroom.
3:00 Judging the Cos-Play Costume Competition. Gazebo.
5:00 Psychological Horror vs. Viscera. Knowles, McMillan, Ochse, Navarro. St. Augustine.
6:00 Wine and Cheese party for participants

SUNDAY
10:00 How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Ochse, Edwards, Navarro, Bryant, Billick. Gold Ballroom
11:00 The Art of Novel Writing: How other people do it. McKiernan, Ochse, Stackpole. Gold
Ballroom.
1:00 Non-traditional Publishing: from specialty press to the digital age. Ochse, Stackpole,
Summers, Wells, Cook. McArthur.
3:00 Creative Partners who live and/or work together. Hammer, Simner, Ochse, Navarro, Shetterly, Bull. St Augustine.