Dear Credit Card # Thief who lives hetween Skokie and Vernon Hills Illinois,
I hope you enjoyed your dinners at Epic Burger and Jason's Deli. I hope the movie at AMC Theaters was awesome. Looks like you took your whole family AND got popcorn. Good for you. And also congrats on the new outfit from TJ Maxx, the gas and the parking meter fee. Also terrific that you went online and sent your father a gift. I'm sure he appreciates it. I'm only sorry Macy's and Trader Joe's declined you. Oh well, you can't win them all.
Luckily, my bank isn't charging me for any of these or the several other odd purchases we'll keep between us.
Unlucky is that I'm told they have pictures of you. I hope you combed your hair that day. With the amount of folks looking at it and the BOLO, I'd hate for them to see you when not at your best. I hope your outfits from TJ Maxx make you the handsomest criminal in Chicago's Northwestern Suburbs.
Best Wishes and Bonne Chance,
The Credit Card Owner
PS. I hear the double Epic Burger with Fried Egg is to die for. Try it before it's too late... only this time, sadly, you'll have to buy it not using my money.