Social Media Audits and SEAL Porn Tattoos

Do any of you pay any attention who reads your blogs? I know my mom does, thanks mom. And my wife, thanks, hon. And of course my agent, thanks Bob. But other than that, I don't know who reads me. Or why. Or where they are? Or anything about them.

In fact, why is it important?

Well, it seem that St. Martin's Press is pretty sophisticated. They conduct social media audits of their authors' sites. In fact, I was found wanting.

Wanting? Me? Seriously? Like I don't spend enough time trying to convince other people how awesome I am? Really? Does this social media person realize that I have a Klout Score of 68?

But they they explained.

And they were right.

I was wanting... a better way to express myself and provide information to fans, friends and potential stalkers.

Many of you might have noticed that I redid my blogger. Color, scheme, font size, added pages, etc. This is result of what I have come to refer to as The Audit!

Conducted by St. Martin's Press Social Media Audit Agent, better known as Paul, the audit was pretty robust. I followed as many of the recommendations as I could... my accomplishment of some of them were limited to my ability to understand cascading style sheets (which is zero). But I worked on them nonetheless. I don't want to upset Paul. I want Paul to be happy. After all, Paul has the ability to change my fortune with a few punches at the keyboard.

Hi Paul, We love you! Ignore the woman to my right. She's not sticking out her tongue at you.
She thinks you're a doctor.

But I was asked about the analytics. What are they telling me about those folks who come to my site? What are they telling me about you?

Well...

It tells me that 31% of you use Firefox, 29% of you use Chrome, and 20% of you use IE. That tells me you are technologically savvy and realize that the free browser that came with your computer might not be the best. It means you take the time to choose. Less than 1% of you use Maxthon and Rockmelt browsers. Those sound cool, but I have no idea who they are. My guess is they are android viewer platforms.

Eighty percent of you come from a windows based computer system, which makes you like me.

Most people find me through google. Recent searches parameters include the words porn, SEAL, and tattoo. So my goal is to have at least one post a week that uses these words in the title.

And thank you Slovenians! More of you have visited my site than the French, Italians, Canadians, and Thais. I seriously have to get the German's more involved. They're last in the list of countries where you are from.

I also have an unusual amount of left-handed readers. With 10% of the population left-handed, I have 32% left-handed readership.I wonder what that means?

That's a good start on the analytics. Once I dive a little deeper into the data, I'll be able to get more information to you and Paul.

What are your recommendations? How could I do better? What do you want to see more of? Less of?

Now off to work on my next blog post, SEAL Tattoos Porn Picture of Snookie and Lady Gaga! 



PS. Shout out to Kym and Steph! Thanks for slogging through my drek!