Living Dangerously: How I Destroyed the World

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Weston Ochse is a former intelligence officer and special operations soldier who has engaged enemy combatants, terrorists, narco smugglers, and human traffickers. His personal war stories include performing humanitarian operations over Bangladesh, being deployed to Afghanistan, and a near miss being cannibalized in Papua New Guinea. His fiction and non-fiction has been praised by USA Today, The Atlantic, The New York Post, The Financial Times of London, and Publishers Weekly. The American Library Association labeled him one of the Major Horror Authors of the 21st Century. His work has also won the Bram Stoker Award, been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, and won multiple New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. A writer of more than 26 books in multiple genres, his military supernatural series SEAL Team 666 has been optioned to be a movie starring Dwayne Johnson. His military sci fi series, which starts with Grunt Life, has been praised for its PTSD-positive depiction of soldiers at peace and at war. Weston likes to be called a chaotic good paladin and challenges anyone to disagree. After all, no one can really stand a goody two-shoes lawful good character. They can be so annoying. It's so much more fun to be chaotic, even when you're striving to save the world. You can argue with him about this and other things online at Living Dangerously or on Facebook at Badasswriter. All content of this blog is copywrited by Weston Ochse.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

How I Destroyed the World - A Day's Log

Upon writing the novel Red Palm for the Apocalypse Weird Universe I was asked how easy or hard it was to destroy the world. Here's my answer:

I'm an expert at breaking things. Just ask my parents. Or my grandparents. So when I was asked to destroy the world I hardly broke a sweat.I mean, look at me (if you could). I have scars all over my face. By the time I was five I had over a hundred stitches. I was a one kid demolition machine. God save you if you were anywhere near my wake.

So when I destroyed the world it went something like this.

Here's an average day.

7 AM - Woke up. Picked up dog poop. Watered the plants. Googled missile payloads on UAVs. Drank cofee and ate yogurt.

8 AM - Created charismatic character that encourages people of all ages to self mutilate themselves as a sign of individual freedom. Lots of blood. Preaches like a traveling revivalist under a big tent with a rock band. Hmm. Maybe use this character later too. He's like the Good Rob Lowe but Evil.

10 AM - Commented on dog pictures on Facebook. Checked Twitter to see what Sam Sykes was doing. Googled random thoughts. Turns out that the The pleistocene epoch is the geological timer period which lasted from about 2,588,000 to 11,700 years ago, spanning the world's recent period of repeated glaciations. Google glaciations next.

1030AM - Brainstorm. I decided I want giant worms to eat people and things. A montage of Tremors footage flashed through my mind. I bow my head to Dune. Then I create the Sonoran Death Worm.

NOON - Damn folks over at Apocalypse Weird say they're doing a cookbook. Whatever? Now I have to come up with a recipe. Luckily I have one handy. Chupacabra-stuffed Clams. Wrote and email, attached it and sent it out. Now to find lunch.

1 PM - Ate a Shrimp Burrito. Had to change shirts. Thought about the giant windmills near Palm Springs. Wondered if anyone is cruscified on them? Wondered if they were if anyone would notice?

2 PM - I require more blood. For a book about cutters and self-mutilaters, there isn't enough blood. Time to flip the novel and change the reality. Now my blood runneth over. I think I'm going to hell. I giggle as I respond to an email from my agent.

3 PM - Doorbell rings. Wine delivery. A box from Club W. I unpack the wine, put it in my winerack, and place a bottle of Little Sur Chardonnay in the fridge to cool. Then I remember I forgot to give my main character extra razor blades.

4 PM - Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick! I've been on Facebook for the last hour. Where did the time go? You were supposed to be writing, you knucklehead! All I know is that even with a face full of dirt and blood Charlize Theron is hot, puppies like trampolines, don't ride your bike off the roof into the pool, and there should never be any memes ever about the People of Walmart.

5PM - To make up for the distractions I destroyed an entire town. Sonoran Death Worms and giant

crows are even now consuming the populace in great greedy gulps. Children are running, screaming down the street. Houses are on fire. Men and women are being cut in half, chewed up, and spit out. I find myself singing the theme song from Sesame Street and laughing. Oh Joy! This is what it means to be a writer.

6 PM - I do Yoga, then chase it with some Chardonnay. I sit outside afterward watching the sunset and wondering if I've killed enough people. Part of me wants to go kill more.

7PM - I'm chopping onions and crying. Robert Irving is screaming at some poor southern couple on television because they have no idea how to run a restuarant. My iPad is open before me. I've gone back to kill more people. Blood runs in the streets. Now that the death toll feels appropriate, I think I can make Lamb Marquez Sausage Pasta for dinner now.

9PM - Damn bottle of wine had a hole in it. Throw away the empty and get another.

10 PM - I stand in the backyard screaming, Unleash the Dog's of War into the starry night. My neighbor shouts for me to shut up. I scream back at him like a mad man. I am the conqueror worm. I am the devourer of worlds. Nothing can stand in my way.

10:01PM - My wife calls me back inside.

11PM - I'm in bed. The walls are slightly swimming, my stomach is a bit uneasy, but I smile, knowing that I've destroyed enough for this day and that what's left can be destroyed tomorrow.

1101PM - I dream of unicorns farting rainbows. All is right with the universe until tomorrow I start all over.

If you're interested in getting Red Palm for the introductory price of 99 cents, you can grab it here.