HP vs MOM: A New Hard Drive and We're Too Cheap to Give You a Screwdriver

WRITTEN ON 13 July 2013:

If you haven't read up on this ongoing saga, you can read it from the this link.

So when last I left  you with the saga of my broken HP laptop, my mother had called the CEO of the company.

Did I tell you I received an email from the Vice President of Escalations.  She said two things. Your mom called  and  we read your blog.

SCORE!

I warned them, but they wouldn't listen. My mom just retired. She doesn't know what to do with herself. She's just begging for someone to give her something and HP provided it by F$cking with her son.

Plus, thanks to you all, there were over 1000 hits on my blog regarding the HP fiasco.

Needless to say, HP wasn't pleased.

So what happened, you ask.

Then the VP of Escalations asked me to call her. I explained I was in Afghanistan and couldn't use their 1-800 number. It took several times. I think she thought I was a big old fibber. I wonder how many people use this as an excuse.

So, I communicated with HP for a week, as we tried to figure out what was wrong with my system. Then they took the weekend off. Seems as if the multi-national computer corporation known as HEWLETT-FREAKING-PACKARD has no support on the weekends. I, on the other hand, had no choice but to work on the weekends. After all, I'm defending the country HP has their offices in.

Sigh. Just another sign that they don't get it.

Then we communicated another week and finally figured out that my hard drive tanked. Yep. I couldn't wait to tell them, but I had to wait. Why, you ask? another weekend.

But then the VP of Escalation didn't contact me for four more days. I guess she must have had a vacation. When she did, she arranged for another hardrive to be sent. I asked her if she could include a screwdriver, but she said, no. We don't provide that. I explained I was in Afghanistan and that I don't have access to tools or an Ace Hardware. She ignored my comment and shipped the hard drive, stating it was going by FedEx and would be here in two days. I emailed her back explaining that all FedEx was going to do was get it into the APO system and it would take a lot longer than that, but she ignored me. Instead, I got a form letter saying that I had 10 days pack up the old hard drive and return it or else I'd be charged.

That the part was shipped on the 24th of June. The computer broke on the 8th of June. 16 Days to finally get HP to respond and help me fix their broken machine. And 16 days later, the part arrives. That's 32 days so far without a computer. 

I'm currently looking for a screwdriver small enough to replace the part. I have some friends who work IT issues. I bet they have some.

SERIOUSLY, HP, How hard would it have been to include a little screwdriver?

Weston Ochse
Currently in
Afghanistan


 

HP Has a Solution to my Computer Problem in Afghanistan--NOT!!!

So I pulled out my broken computer this morning and let it do it's Kabuki Dance of Death one more time because I decided I need to start the day with a laugh. It gives an error code when it's trying to boot up, so I typed that code into trusty old Google. Looks like it might just be a Windows 8 issue--- as in it crashed.

Oh!

Hunky fucking Dory!

That's easy to fix then.

So I googled the code.

This is what I got from the makers of my computer. Here is their helpful information posted at the HP Official site.

You might have to Click on this to make it larger, sorry.

What you'll note is that all of the commands rely on Windows actually loading. Well, if Windows has crashed, then how can it load? And no, the F-Keys aren't functioning.

Note also that this was posted by an 'HP Expert.'

And finally, note that HP encourages you to click on the 'KUDOS' button at the bottom to 'Accept as Solution.'

Then note that as of the creation of this post, 1,788 persons have viewed this 'HP Solution' and not a single one has accepted this as a solution.

Seriously, HP?  Did you pay this person? Is there any oversight? Is it a guy in his underwear playing WOW in his basement or is it an actual living breathing HP-certified helper? Do you know this has been on your site for two years?

Question: If windows has crashed, how do you expect us to follow directions that rely on windows to be open?

Sigh.

I used to be so happy with my HP and the laptop.

I used to think it was the Schnizzle!

Note to HP. You can have the shiniest and bestest looking computer in the universe, but if your computer crashes and stops working and if your 'Help Desk' people are complete morons, then that is the last impression you are leaving on a customer, and anyone that customer decides to speak with into eternity.

Also, a special message to the CEO of HP.  My mother has written you an email. She's already had one reply 'escalating the issue.' You have no idea. You better duck. You better hide. Because she's not going to let off. Trust me when I say that the only way you can piss off a mother more, is if you fuck with their kid when he's deployed fighting a war. And get this, she just retired. So she has all.... the time... in the world... to make sure that you and all of her friends understand the issue at hand.

...and the drama continues.

Weston Ochse
Currently in
Afghanistan

SPLAT! My Laptop Commits Suicide in Afghanistan!

So there I was, early morning, ready to put some serious words down on the page and I noticed that my screen was frozen.

Frozen? I have a top of the line HP Envy. How the hell can it be frozen? It cost more than my all-in-one HP desktop. It cost as much as a used car. In fact, with what it cost, I could feed an Afghan family of six or a year. But I needed it. Or at least I thought I did. After all, I was going to be doing all of this stuff in Afghanistan with it. Skyping, watching movies, listening to music, writing, etc. As it turned out, my wife and I use Facetime in my iPhone and we never even used Skype. So I use my expensive laptop for the other things.

Still, I thought it would be faster. After all, I suped it up. Here's what I had (yes, notice the past tense):

*dv6t Quad*
o Windows 8 64
o System Recovery DVD with Windows 8 64
o 3rd generation Intel Core i7-3630QM Processor (2.4GHz, 6MB L3 Cache)
o NVIDIA(R) GeForce(R) GT 630M Graphics with 2GB of dedicated video
memory
o 12GB DDR3 System Memory (2 Dimm)
o 750GB 5400 rpm Hard Drive with HP ProtectSmart Hard Drive Protection
o NO mSSD Hard Drive Acceleration Cache
o 6 Cell Lithium Ion Battery
o 15.6-inch diagonal Full HD Anti-glare LED-backlit Display (1920 x 1080)
o Blu-ray player & SuperMulti DVD burner
o HP TrueVision HD Webcam with integrated dual array digital microphone
o Intel 802.11b/g/n WLAN and Bluetooth(R)
o Backlit Keyboard

I mean, hell! This was the HP Snizzle Version. Yes, you did see that it said 3rd generation Intel Core i7-3630QM Processor. It's essentially the Lamborgini of processors. If last year's computer was a javelin, this is a fucking bottle rocket with a warp drive second stage system, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell the difference. It still had the classic PC lag.

AND with all the bells and whistles it had WINDOWS 8?  Seriously? I paid $4.99 to get rid of Windows 8 just so I could go back to the classic look. Windows 8 Blows!

Sigh.

This is not really my computer,
but it might as well be

But it doesn't matter now.

After my computer froze, I turned it off, and it's never come back on again. It recognizes that it has a problem. It gives me a frowny face like it's being operated by a 12 year old girl and tells me it's going to analyze and correct the disk, but then it hangs fooooooorrrrrrrrreeeeeeevvvvvvveeeeeeerrrrrr, or at least six hours before I tried to restart the process again.

I even tried the boot disks, but the computer won't recognize the CD drive. So what are the boot disks good for then, other than to throw out the window next time a sketchy man on a scooter gets too close to our uparmored SUV?

News at Eleven: Soldier Decapitates Taliban Bomber with HP Boot Disk.

As unlikely as it sounds, it could happen. I mean, if this product of the Tennessee education system can publish more than a dozen novels, then seriously! ANYTHING. CAN. HAPPEN.

So what am I to do. I have a novel deadline with Solaris Books that I will not miss. Thankfully, I was using Drop Box, so my work in progress has been saved and is complete. I lost several other stories and articles I'd started and left under documents, but I can live with that. Ha. Listen to me. I can live with that, he says. I have to live with it because I was the douche canoe who didn't save them in Drop Box.

So now here I am in Afghanistan, without a computer, with only a Kindle Fire and an iPhone and all this writing to do. I can't tell you the last time I was anywhere where I didn't have a keyboard and the ability to type something.

Two things are certain:

• I'm going to have a fight on my hands with HP.
• I'm going to need a replacement system sooner than later.

Stay tuned, I suppose, so we can see how I make it out of this mess.

If nothing else, come back for the drama.

Cheers.

Weston Ochse
Currently in
Afghanistan