ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Weston Ochse is a former intelligence officer and special operations soldier who has engaged enemy combatants, terrorists, narco smugglers, and human traffickers. His personal war stories include performing humanitarian operations over Bangladesh, being deployed to Afghanistan, and a near miss being cannibalized in Papua New Guinea. His fiction and non-fiction has been praised by USA Today, The Atlantic, The New York Post, The Financial Times of London, and Publishers Weekly. The American Library Association labeled him one of the Major Horror Authors of the 21st Century. His work has also won the Bram Stoker Award, been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, and won multiple New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. A writer of more than 26 books in multiple genres, his military supernatural series SEAL Team 666 has been optioned to be a movie starring Dwayne Johnson. His military sci fi series, which starts with Grunt Life, has been praised for its PTSD-positive depiction of soldiers at peace and at war. Weston likes to be called a chaotic good paladin and challenges anyone to disagree. After all, no one can really stand a goody two-shoes lawful good character. They can be so annoying. It's so much more fun to be chaotic, even when you're striving to save the world. You can argue with him about this and other things online at Living Dangerously or on Facebook at Badasswriter. All content of this blog is copywrited by Weston Ochse.

Monday, September 30, 2019

Our Keto Reset - Day 7

Day 7. Bacon. Keto Flu. Bloatitorium. Dehydration. Puking.

The day started out great. We got up about 7 AM. In retrospect, we should have gotten up earlier and walked. I'll explain later. Then I cooked a pound of bacon. We each had five glorious pieces. We saved the bacon grease and the rest of the bacon, except the one piece we gave to the dogs. Yes. One piece. And they looked pissed. I could almost see them saying, 'No one has leftover bacon, dad.'

Today's menu:

Breakfast: Bacon-Bacon-Bacon-Bacon-Bacon
Mid Morning: None.
Lunch: Me: 2 1/3rd pound cheddar bacon burgers with tomato, onion in a lettuce wrap and a scosh of ketchup.
Yvonne: 1 1/3rd pound of cheddar bacon burger with tomato, onion in a lettuce wrap and a scosh of curry ketchup
Afternoon: Nothing
Dinner: Me: Three egg and havarti omelet
Yvonne: Leftovers from the Bottom round and mushrooms.

By 9 AM I was feeling like I'd just been rolled by a marching band and left in a ditch. I lost all of my energy. Totally gone and flatlined. I stayed on the couch until 11, when Yvonne had me run an errand with her. That sort of perked me up. I was able to get some writing done. Then I made lunch. I should NOT have had two burgers. The problem was that it was so messy that I ate it fast. We really didn't have the right kind of lettuce to make a wrap. We needed butter lettuce and we had romaine. Because I did eat it so fast, my stomach didn't register that I was full so I ate the other one and welcomed myself to the Bloatatorium. 

Using a pick axe and rope, I managed to climb my way back upstairs, where I did more work on my novel in progress. A few folks commented about my use of hominy the previous day on Facebook and I had to explain to them about math. It was all good. 

Mid-afternoon, Yvonne wanted to go for a walk. Sure. I strapped on my Suunto watch to keep track of distance, and HR, and V02 Max and other shit I don't know about. Then we hiked two miles and a half. Now, all day I'd probably had two glasses of ice tea and three or four sips of water. I read somewhere that on the Keto diet you really should drink 100 oz of water. Well, I didn't even have a fourth that much and got my HR up to 152 during part of the walk.

This was me in my new hat
What happened? I came home and started puking up pieces of cheddar bacon burgers with tomato, onion in a lettuce wrap and a scosh of ketchup. I felt like I was three hours in at a Frat Party. I was overheated. Whenever I drank water it would come right up. It took me about an hour to get right, during which I got to watch my football team go 0-4 and their second best linebacker get lost for the season. Oh joy.

Lessons I learned today. 
  • Dude, you need to drink hella more water.
  • Dude, you need to drink hella more water.
  • Dude, give your damn dogs more than one piece of bacon.
  • Dude, people don't have leftover bacon.
  • Dude, eat slower so you know you are full.
  • Dude, electrolytes are a thing.
  • And finally, Dude, you need to drink hella more water. 

Total Weight Loss:
Weston: -5

Yvonne: -5